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Literature Text
Vibrant colors dance in the sky above our heads.
They scatter and roll,
Swaying with the stars.
Falling to the ground,
They are replaced by the next bright emotion.
The beginning of a story that will never end.
But also seems to never have the correct title.
They scatter and roll,
Swaying with the stars.
Falling to the ground,
They are replaced by the next bright emotion.
The beginning of a story that will never end.
But also seems to never have the correct title.
Take what you want from this. Everyone's perspective will be different.
© 2011 - 2024 MikalaLD
Comments12
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It is a nice little poem. To me, it represents choices in life, and how one's plans and perspectives can change as they struggle to find their way, and themselves.
In what regards comments:
First line - I feel "in the sky above our heads" is redundant (the sky is always above our heads!) - I'd rewrite it maybe as "Above our heads, vibrant colors dance in the sky"
Lines 2-3 - As others mentioned, these are very nice images. I love it
Line 5 - I feel the word "replace" is a bit out of place; not too poetic. Maybe rewrite it as "pushed aside"?
Last line - Similarly, I find "correct title" less poetic than the rest of the poem; maybe it should be "fitting name"?
Once again, the message and its execution is nice, and I like it. Keep writing!
In what regards comments:
First line - I feel "in the sky above our heads" is redundant (the sky is always above our heads!) - I'd rewrite it maybe as "Above our heads, vibrant colors dance in the sky"
Lines 2-3 - As others mentioned, these are very nice images. I love it
Line 5 - I feel the word "replace" is a bit out of place; not too poetic. Maybe rewrite it as "pushed aside"?
Last line - Similarly, I find "correct title" less poetic than the rest of the poem; maybe it should be "fitting name"?
Once again, the message and its execution is nice, and I like it. Keep writing!